Yesterday I found out about a new book: graphic memoir, “Marbles — Mania, Depression, Michelangelo and Me” by Ellen Forney.
I am yet to buy the book (none of the stores I normally use has it, and it’s only available on iBooks US) but one thing I liked is the interview on OPB (available on the page as audio file). There were many things that touched me about it. The fear of losing creativity was one of them — I share that one. The shift in identity — the “which bit is me and which bit is the illness?” is another one, and this Ellen resolves similarly to me, by realising there are no two separate beings, but just one — Ellen with disorder. And the crazy artist bit, which she describes in a way that is at once very amusing and touching.
Ellen talks about a time when she hugged a tree, crying, because she felt she had to do it. I could tell a similar story about myself, and one day I will. And we both seem to have had the same realisation: yes, it would seem crazy to people if they could see what we did… but… we ARE crazy. We are officially crazy artists!
In an odd way, this helps. I now have a good reason why my hair is whack and why I dress like that and why I do the things I do and why I write for four hours non-stop and then never touch the laptop for two months. Us, crazy artists, see: we do that. And as long as we manage not to kill ourselves, and to keep our ears intact, we might end up making some cool stuff.
In the meantime, I’ll be buying Ellen’s graphic memoir as soon as I have money to do so and it is available somewhere I can get it from without paying twice the price for shipping.